Daniel Tosh bootleg I am listening to while playing Counterstrike. Really like the long hand joke and a lot of this new shit hes working on is pretty amazing.
Got this comics name from Patrice O’Neal. Solid solid solid.
Ideas for my new album and special. Maybe you’ll find them useful as well.
Found out about this guy via Curb Your Enthusiasm.
EL-P is an acid trip. Where as Ill Bill is like getting stabbed at a truckstop and this is what you get when you mix them.
Vaping some infinity sativa in my MFLB watching the finals to WCS finals and scrolling through reddit comments I realized how many frivolous actions the average human life must consist of. We stand on the shoulders of giants, with our iphones, thumb up ass and mostly pissing in the proverbial wind of existence.
Assuming that one love is Starcraft. Fuck I am such a loser!
Alright honestly I wish I knew what I was meant to do right now.
I know I’m *supposed* to be writing my first DVD, hell I don’t even have a clean 5 minutes I can do on TV and yet I have thumb firmly up ass playing Starcraft 2 Heart of the Swarm because I want to be a pro. Not sure WHAT appeals to me about progaming other than that its more glorified that programming behind a cubicle and that as much as I love comedy I only wanted to be a comedian when I couldn’t play Starcraft as a kid.
So my dream priorities were something along the lines of being a dictator (as per personality test taken as a young child for - best career aptitude test) I would be a great dictator.
My life for aiur!
May my last words be - gg world, it was fun!
Comedy Special by Hannibal Burress … “Special Animal Furnace”.
My theory is that the human condition as of 2012, September 30th is extremely bloated. I can sort of feel the overbred doglike nature of humans. I see them walking down the side of the road, they’re youtube videos scarfing down condiments just to see how much they can eat and meanwhile on the other end I see unfed malnourished people being told by the pope that they better avoid condoms.
We’re overdue for some drastic changes to human life. I see cockroach roasts of giant mutant bugs being sold at food vendors as bugs are easier to breed in a city than any other animal plus they’re high in protein and while unappealing to most westerners (here is a sub species going extinct if I ever saw one) I am sure in the future white people will eat them (I’ve never had alot of bug based protein in my diet but I hear its cheaper so I would be on board!).
I think the human condition as it stands right now will more than likely be wiped out either by transhumanism (eliminating the need for a digestive system, lungs and organs). I think as it stands the human condition sucks, I don’t think anyone in the future would ever wish being a regular human on another and I think it has to do with the day to day quirks that come with being human are for the most part rather unpleasant.
Even if you are born indepedendantly wealthy in a first world country the freedom of watching the clock tick towards your death every day is menacing and I doubt anybody wants to put up with it. Why worry about your mortality when you can endlessly toil away at scientific endeavors?
I am plotting to have myself frozen so I can be revived by the future for their observation, prodding and than eventual extension of my existence via transhumanist life support. If I am to die before I wake people please put my brainstem into a cyrogenic locker room do not spend any money on the shrewd mindless religious activities reserved for the dead and instead preserve as much of my brainstem/DNA/useful data/dick jokes. Thank you for your understanding.
If you must have religious services please host a rave on the beach, dose the mourners and, than I will also have some stuff prepared to be released post-humously.
Dear people at my “Fun-E-RAL”
I hope you brought your Egyptian Ral runes, your E, and your fun. Those who didn’t do any of this stuff have no idea what the frig you are doing. This is a funeral not a jagoff party. You are what a Korean would call a babo wegook. Maybe.
Enough rage! The human experience is totally batshit and the fact your alive while I am dead is hilarious. You should never cry about dead people - it will only make you join them faster. My theory is that crying is stressful for the immune system despite what your zealot friends want to tell you. Smile, bust a gut and, if you have to feel any negative feelings about my death than please note that people born in the future won’t give a shit that I am dead.
To me I am part of the 98.8888% of all humans that have ever died ever. If someone killed me than proceed to not punish this person, instead avoid having them put into prison and see if they can club any more wonky people in the process (there are a lot of people on this planet, best there be a few sharks out there eating the eaters like myself).
If my death amuses you than good I am glad I can be an ironic parable in your existence. Please pay homage to me by dancing around, doing something taboo, and than smoke a doobie (or vaporize it, or just make a marijuana shake). If you are a robot please assimilate my philosophy. The humans, they know nothing! Best use them for fuel like the Matrix.
To the humans who are sad, stop it!
To the humans who are hungry, eat someone!
To the humans who are sick, know that there is probably a cure to whatever is wrong with you either you can’t afford it because your time machine is out of credits or that robots could fix you but they’re hard drives are full of archieved pornography dating as far back as 200BC of Cave drawings made for cave men to wank to. As the pornography drowns you please take heart that it could have been a lot worse and that dying because of nudity is probably ironic seeing how religious puritanism has made nudity so taboo that now it is literally killing you.
Thank you for come to Nicks FUN-E-RAL, proceed to consume oxygen, eat vegetables, avoid stress, avoid instiutions, work and above all else keep giving them shit.
PS. There are no deathbed recantations, I kept up with the anti-theist regiment up until the point where I might have been dosed with DMT and, upon tripping my balls off might have uttered thank you god. In fact upon a few tummy aches as a kid from eating to much sugar (hint for the living: sugar and meat cause cancer just pick these fuckers out of your diet and you can thank me in your memoir) I might have said thank god but, only out of cultural programming (for some reason years 1-2012 human beings say “Jesus Christ!” a lot to, probably like sneezing or scatching your ass not necessarily necessary but a force of habit) not out of conscious decision to acknowledge there is a god and than thanking him for intervening on my bellies behalf. However those who believe in prayer are notably better at recovering from surgery and to their benefit I will say that the effects of the placebo are infinite. If you can bullshit yourself and others into believing something there is no limit to what you might accomplish, destroy, create and, make for yourself. Literally anything is possible if absolute knowledge is convinced of ones divine intent.
I hear a baby calling, my mom calling for me, and a comedy show at a local sports bar “The Sin Bin” calling me. And with out a doubt I’m out faster than a puppy pout.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
I will be on a radio show coming up, and I wish I could elaborate on the future I am creating for myself but it will beat everything by 1. Like Kobe to Jordan, I will do for Carlin for the next generation.
I love. But I never loved the materials, how much or how little they may have sparkled in my eye.